Countdown: 31 Days!

I cant' believe we're a month (or hopefully less) away from meeting Hudson! I feel like this pregnancy has been somewhat surreal.... almost like I haven't fully realized we're going to have another sweet little boy in our family.

Hudson has been doing a great job making himself known to me in the past couple weeks. He's quite a mover! Tonight he was just rolling and kicking and moving all around. My stomach looked like an alien was trying to emerge. I should video tape it.

He's also been dancing around on my sciatic nerve... which had me in tears today. I thought my SI joint pain in my hip was bad.... oooh this sciatic nerve crap sucks. Its not constant (although today my hip has felt sore, but not "electric shock" sore all the time), when that nerve gets irritated (which is a couple times an hour) it nearly brings me to my knees in tears. I have to really bite my lip to try not to scream out in pain. Its embarrassing when it happens in public... or at work when I'm walking down the hall with my students. One of my 3rd graders today saw me nearly fall and said "Oh that happens to me too when I wear high heels" Oh... I wish it were just me tripping on my shoes LOL!

I came home today in a yucky mood... I went to the chiropractor and had an adjustment that really didn't help much. I got home and took Porter out to play and ended up sitting outside crying because I'm just so sick of feeling uncomfortable and in pain. Porter's so darn sweet... he came up to me and stood next to me on the step, put his arm on my back and said "What wrong, mommy? What wrong?" I told him my hip hurt and he said "Oh" and went back to playing LOL! Funny boy.

I'm trying to stop wishing away these next few weeks as at this point I'm uncertain if I have it in me to ever want to have more biological children. I honestly just don't love being pregnant and it seems to bring out the worst in me. I know we'd both love another child in our family in the future, but I am leaning more towards wanting to adopt rather than go through pregnancy again. I found myself browsing adoption websites tonight of a family who has adopted 4 times from China. I always seem to be drawn to Chinese adoptions for some reason, so who knows... maybe that's a sign that our future holds something unknown to us. I'll just need to get Ryan on board... Anyhow, I am trying to enjoy these last weeks of being pregnant just in case I/we decide not to do this again. I am so anxious/excited to get this pregnancy over with... to have Hudson here and to move forward with our "new" family of 4 that I often have to stop myself and make myself appreciate what a miracle it is to be pregnant, and how bittersweet it would be if this is my last pregnancy to experience. I don't want to wish it away and then regret not really, truly cherishing it later.

Last night I worked on Hudson's birth announcements. I think I have it finalized, and I just hope that I have the ambition to attempt to take "good" pictures of him after he's born. I used my clients pictures as "samples" in the birth announcement and I love them. I hope I capture those type of images of Hudson.

Speaking of his birth announcement... he still does not have a middle name. I used "Hudson Cole" as a sample on the announcement and sent it to Ry to approve and he said he didn't care for Cole. So, that may be off the list?! We honestly just haven't even brought up middle names lately! I guess we have a few we like, so we can always decide after he's born, I suppose.

As far as work goes... I think I've decided that I'm going to take off starting May 8th, which will be 2 weeks before my due date. I am honestly hoping that Hudson makes his arrival sometime around that date, but who knows... he'll probably be my late baby. Let's hope not! I still need to give my principal the heads up, but I don't think it'll be a problem. It kind of gives me a few "shorter" goals to look forward to... a little over 2 weeks until I'm done working and from then, less than 2 weeks until Hudson is due.

Wow. What a rambling post. I just hopped on here to gripe about my painful day.. and here I go rambling off on a tangent!

Hudson with no middle name

Hudson still does not have a middle name. We really haven't even discussed it lately. I figure with a tad over 7 weeks to go (and crossing my fingers its more like 5 weeks....) I guess we should at least start hashing out some middle name ideas.

Here are the names we're considering so far:

Hudson Cole

Hudson Oliver

Hudson Avery

Hudson Isaiah

Hudson Elijah

Does anyone else have any suggestions? You can vote "Other" and add your suggestions there if you want.

The name is....

As of now, his name is Hudson. Hudson with no middle name.

I absolutely can not get Ryan to budge on Sullivan, although I adore the name. The only name we agree on is Hudson, so Hudson it is.

I just can't seem to feel like its "the name", do you know what I mean? I kind of felt that way with Porter's name, so I'm hoping that if we try it out on the little dude in utero, that maybe it'll just start to feel like his name, just like Porter's did. If we stumble across something we (err I) love even more (and can convince Ryan to go along with), we'll go with that. But, for now, he is Hudson.

I bought letters for his nursery, but I'm holding off on painting them. That's how unsure I am. Its just such a weird feeling. I still keep calling him "the baby" or "baby brother." Note to self: Must try to use name when referring to him.

I should tell you... in order for me to agree on Hudson, I told Ryan this was my stipulation:
1) *IF* we have Child #3 and *IF Child #3 ends up being Boy Child #3, then I get 100% first-name naming rights.

Isn't that mean of me?

Anyhow, maybe I just need to find a great middle name for him. So far, the names we like are:

Hudson Oliver (Oliver meaning "peace")
Hudson Avery (Avery meaning "nobility")
Hudson Isaiah (Isaiah meaning "God is salvation")

Porter's middle name "Evan" means "God is gracious". I really want a middle name with some sort of good meaning. Any ideas?

Name

Ok, before I tell the name..... here are two letters from the first name. Can you guess?

23 Week Update

Wow, I've kind of ditched the blog for awhile, huh? It just seems like there's not much to update right now. Its the "Second Trimester Honeymoon" kind of thing.... I really kind of love this stage of pregnancy. Most days I think "I could totally do this again. I LOOOOVE pregnancy." But I know in a few months I'll be miserable, and if I do ever get pregnant again I'll be cursing my stupid idea to do so for the first 12-14 weeks.

The baby is moving around a lot now, and his kicks and jabs are getting stronger and stronger every day. I love it. Ryan was able to feel him kicking last night for the first time. I've started to notice the baby (gotta get him a name.... sheesh!) get active right after I eat a lot of times.

Other than some icky acidy-reflux going on, everything else is doing a-ok. So far my hips and back and shoulders and neck aren't hurting too badly. I do have little spells of a painful/limpy hip, but ususally if I stretch or go to the chiropractor it straightens out and I'm feeling better. I hope that if I keep up regular weekly chiro visits I won't have the hip pains that I had with Porter (even though I did very regular chiro visits when I was pregnant with Porter).

I started buying up diapers yesterday. I figured if I had coupons I should start stocking up on some packs. I opened a pack of newborn diapers and those things are SOOO tiny! I can't wait to have another little itty bitty one around here, but then some days I think "I am so not ready for this!"

We're still undecided on names. I have it narrowed down to 2 names. Ryan, not so many LOL! He's pretty set. I have my reasons for each name... one I feel is "safe"... that everyone will pretty much like, but I have a feeling it'll catch on and become somewhat trendy. The other I feel like it'd be much more original, and that's really what I'm wanting in a name. I *love* when people say about Porter's name "Oh, that's such a neat name! I've never heard it before!" and thats what I want for this baby too. However, Ryan doesn't particularly care for my "more original" name.

I've been contemplating/debating/deciding on breastfeeding. I know I technically really don't have to decide right now, but I don't want to do what happened with Porter and pump/nurse for 5 days and then stop and have prolonged and encouraged my milk to come in full force. I have pros and cons for each. I don't particularly agree with the "children are smarter and healthier when breastfed" because Porter is a very smart little boy and is quite healthy. My main reason for wanting to breastfeed is mainly not spending money on formula and for the experience. But, I really like the convenience and freedom that bottle feeding gives me (I always feel bad for bf'ing moms who don't get help at nightly feedings, or can't leave their baby for more than a few hours... oh no... I really neeeeeed those things). I guess my #1 main holdup is my boobs. I'll be straight up with you... I was just looking for a 36DDDD (yes, 4 D's) bra the other day online. And I know when my milk comes in they'll be even larger. And I just can't deal with boobs like this. That is the one thing I want to go back to normal ASAP after I deliver. My freak show boobs. They're heavy and they hurt my back and neck and I just don't see how I could possibly dress in normal, non-baggy-t-shirt clothes if I have DDDD+ boobs all sumer. If someone could guarantee that once I got into a nursing groove that my boobs would go back to normal (WHILE NURSING), I'd probably try again. But I don't think anyone can do that.

I skipped out on my 20 week belly picture. I totally forgot about it. Well, no... I remembered, I was just too lazy to set up the tripod. I will do one next week at 24 weeks.

20 Week Appointment

Friday we had our ultrasound. Everything looked just fine with Baby Boy Barczak. He wasn't too wiggly during the scan but he did kick me pretty good a few times. The new machine also does 3D and 4D and the tech tried to do a 3D at the end but by then our stubborn little guy had changed position and was all nestled in and she couldn't get that good of a picture of his face. She said if we come back later for a scheduled ultrasound she'd try again, and that later on the pictures are much better as right now they just look very skeletal (which he did). I am not really hoping for another ultrasound scheduled by my doctor as that would only mean that something was going wrong. I think at maybe my 28 week appointment I'll ask the midwife if she'd let me sneak in for another scan.

Anyhow, I do have a few pictures that the put on DVD, although none of them that great. I'll have to go see my mom in a few weeks to get some better pictures. She also put a short video clip on there as well but the video is not near as long as Porter's video (on VHS).

His face. you can see the

Leg... foot to the right and pointing down


So... whats the rundown of pregnancy things going on thus far?

• I've had a couple bouts with acid reflux. I had NO idea what the hell was wrong with me as I'd be sitting there minding my own business and all of a sudden I had acidy steam and liquid in the back of my throat that made me start coughing because my throat burned and itched so bad. That lead to a non-stop barfing of everything and anything I had in my stomach. Weird thing is, I didn't feel sick at all. Its only happened twice, both evenings after I ate summer sausage, cheese and crackers for lunch.
  
• I gained SEVEN pounds in the past 4 weeks. NICE! So, if I go from my first appt weight of 130lbs I've gained a total of 18lbs so far. EWWW. I guess thats not horrible for 20weeks but still...
  
• Still no resolve on the name. I am actually kind of thinking it'd be fun to take a few names to the hospital and name him once we see him. But I'm freaked that I'd be just as stumped and torn between names that we'd end up being threatened to name him or else we couldn't leave the hospital. Which, with my indecisiveness would probably lead to us just living at the hospital HAHA!
• My due date was confirmed as May 23rd. I was all confused as my very first ultrasound dated me with a June 1st due date, which is what the doctors had been going by. May 23rd matches up with my LMP, though, and their "official" ultrasound confirmed it.
  

Names names names

Well, we (or, should I say *I*) am still in debate over the baby's name. I'm actually considering waiting until he's born to decide. But, my only fear is as depicted in my crazy dream last night... I'd be completely stumped on what to name him and come up with something delusional like Elvis.

Ryan is completely set on Hudson Oliver. I'm not. While I've loved the name Hudson for the past 2 years (it was "runner up" for Porter), I just don't know.... I'm just not sure.

While in St. Louis we all tossed around name ideas, in which I shot down a ton of them before the last sound of it even came out of the suggester's mouth. What can I say... I know what I like LOL!

Some of my criteria, because I have criteria:

• Can't start with a B (I don't care for same letter first/last names)
• Can't start with the "ar" sound as in Barczak
• Can't end with "ack" sound like in Barczak
• Can't end with "er" like Porter

Hmm... I felt like I had more criteria than that.

So, some of the names that are currently on our "posibility" list are:

1. Hudson
2. Sullivan (new one, and one of my fav's!)
3. Pierce (although my love for this is waning)
4. Gibson
5. Grant
6. Madden (same as Pierce... not feelin' it so much)

Now, let me give you some background on Sullivan. I can't remember who suggested it... Heather or I. But, I love it! However, Ryan is totally against it because we once had a cat for ohh... a few months... whose name was Sullivan. We got him from the shelter when we bought this house (5 1/2 years ago) and a few months after we got him we let him be an indoor/outdoor cat. He was neutered but we didn't have a collar for him. He disappeared for awhile, and then showed up one night with a collar and nametag/phone number. His new home was one block over and his new name was Dexter. So, technically, his name is Dexter.

Anyhow... for some odd reason I'm all into our pet names for kid names. I liked Reese for a girl, and we had a dog named Reese up until I was pregnant with Porter. And, now I love Sullivan.

So, what are your thoughts on names? Would the history behind Sullivan make you hate it?

The Name Game: Boy Version

Well, our next step is to name this little guy. I absolutely hate referring to him as "the baby"... it seems so... impersonal. We had decided on Porter's name around 20 weeks. I remember Porter being the only name that seemed to "fit", even though I tried for weeks to try to find another name, unable to settle on Porter. However, I'm so glad now that I did as I love his name and it fits him so well.

I have a few names for this little guy that I really like, and a slim few that are right at the tip top of the list. And possibly "the one" but, as I was last time, I'm not ready to commit just yet.

Ryan is stubborn, as always. He's unable to come up with any creative names that I haven't heard 50 million times (he was so proud of himself when he said he found the "perfect" name... Caden... Uh... yeah, right along with 500 thousand other Cadens, Aidens, Bradens, Jadens and Haydens. HAHA!). So, when I suggest a name he usually vetoes it right away, and then after I bug him with it 10 more times or so he starts to warm up on it. So, right now there are two, and only two, names that he will even consider. Everything else he shoots down right away.

So, let's pretend Ryan doesn't have a say in this. Really, he does, but for fun, let's just look at my list, ok? Now, not all of these names I *love* but they all have a bit of potential, and of course there are some I love much more than others.

I did have Graham on the list, but I think Graham Barczak reminds me of "Grandma Barczak" and a little bit of somehting like a graham bar... whatever that is... graham cracker mixed with granola bar??

I also really liked Tobin, but Tobin Barczak sounds too... "B-ish". Ryan, of course, thought the same.

So, here's my little poll. I'm sure I'll post again soon with an updated list and lots of these scratched off. Which name both a) goes well with Porter and b) sounds good with the last name Barczak.

The Name Game

I was surprised that we've made it nearly 11 weeks and Ryan and I have not so much as mentioned baby names. When I was pregnant with Porter, we discussed it all the time. By the time we had our "big" ultrasound, we were pretty set on two names: Porter (no middle name) and Ava Rylee. Ava (while I still love it) is just way too popular, so it won't be making the cut this time.

I thought I'd do a little post with some names *I* like (which, of course, Ryan doesn't really care for any of the girl names I like).

Boys:

• Hudson Cole (This was #2 on our list for Porter, so we're pretty sure we love it this time)
• Pierce
• Declan (Deck-lin)

Girls: The harder list. The "pretty" names are all so popular. I don't want popular.

• Brynn (but is Brynn Barczak too many "b" sounds??)
  
• Ruby
• Scarlett
• Stella
• Mira (Meer-a)
• Selah Brooke (See-la, and one of my favs)
• Charlotte
• Ellery
• Rowan
• Kendall
  
• Molly

Hmm... I guess that's all I can think of for now. Anyone have any other suggestons? Anyone have any they think sound best with Porter Evan?