T Minus 1 Day!

I am in a little disbelief that tomorrow at this time I'll be in the hospital in labor. I'm extremely nervous this time around. With Porter, he was early and I was so uncomfortable that all I could think about was being done being pregnant. I don't remember being nervous or scared about delivery... I embraced the fact that I'd be done being so uncomfortable.

Now its my last day home with just one child. Ryan won't be home until late tonight (class), and Ryan's parents are taking Porter to stay the night so we don't have to worry about getting him anywhere in the morning.

I've been racking my brain thinking of any last minute things I need to do while I'm pregnant. I really want to take a few pictures of Porter talking to Hudson. Its the sweetest thing. He loves to lift up my shirt and talk to him. He says the cutest things like:

"I gotta say hi to baby Hudson"
"Hey baby Hudson.. you wanna come out and play with me?"
"What doin', baby Hudson?"
"C'mon! You come out now? C'mon!" (with hand motions... so cute)
"Love you baby Hudson!"

I am going to try to get video of him and attempt to set up my camera timer and take some pictures. We'll see how that goes...

I'm feeling all emotional about saying goodbye to Porter today as I know it'll be the last time I see him as my only child. Is that strange?

So anyhow... I'm just freaking out a little bit about this last day of pregnancy. Like I've said before, I am not sure how much I'll be leaning towards having a third child after Hudson is here. It makes me sad to think this could possibly be it. We obviously won't make any rash decisions for quite awhile, but I know for sure we won't be adding onto our family until Hudson is about 4 or so. I'm just trying to enjoy his little kicks and movements while I can.

I'm also freaked out about labor and delivery! I'm so so nervous this time around... the "amnesia" seems to be wearing off and I'm remembering the pain and exhaustion of delivery and pushing for 2 hours. I'm hoping Hudson comes out face down like he is supposed to and maybe that'll make it a little easier?

Well, I guess I should get off here and bask in the last afternoon of being huge and round and full of baby. I'll try to update as soon as I can!

Almost 39 Week picture

Or... maybe almost 38 Week picture... according to the measurements of the freaking gestational sac at 5 weeks. Why did I open my big mouth? They'd probably induce me on Friday if my due date was "officially" May 23rd in their records. I'm so so done this week. Up to last week I was feeling ok. I was thinking "Ehh, I should feel happy that my hips don't hurt as bad as they did a month and a half ago, my sciatic nerve only acts up every once in awhile lately, my back doesn't hurt, my neck doesn't hurt, my bra is halfway comfortable this time and Hudson isn't ripping my ribs apart like Porter was at this point."

Well... I spoke too soon. As once Monday hit I ended up with an upper backache that has been on the verge of giving me a migraine. And my legs feel like they're being ripped off at the joints. My inner thigh joints hurt SOOO bad. Especially when I am sleeping and I try to roll over. It nearly brings me to tears. I'm ready to be done... ready to have this little guy here so we can get things back to somewhat normal and focus on all this freaking house stuff. Ugh.

I have two more days of work (I decided, after we found out we're going to have to pay at our house closing) to work an additional week because at that point I was feeling pretty darn good. Now I feel like crap and I wish I'd taken the week off.

Anyhow... the point of this post. A picture. Because I haven't taken a side view belly picture since 24 weeks. Slacker!!

Bad dreams and contractions

For the past day or so, I thought Hudson was moving and stretching out weird. Usually if I'm laying down and I roll to my other side (which takes ohh... 5 minutes to do), my stomach gets super tight and its really painful. I thought it was just Hudson changing position, but after it happening a few times last night I thought... hmm... I really didn't FEEL Hudson move... and it usually isn't painful all around my stomach when he moves. I'm thinking its a contraction? You'd think that since I've actually HAD a baby before I'd have some sort of clue HAHA!

Anyhow...

Last night was a sleepless night. I was exhausted, so I crawled into bed around 10:20 and watched an episode of "Deliver Me". I finally crashed around 11.

At midnight, Porter came in my room and was all worked up about his Nemo cup.... he wanted some water. Crazy kid. I tried letting him sleep with me but he tosses and turns like a freaking fish out of water so I finally sent him back to his room.

An hour and a half later I was up again, having a horrible dream that someone broke into our house shooting a gun. I woke up and rolled over and had the minute long painful "movement" or "contraction" or whatever the hell it is.

I was up about 3 or 4 other times throughout the night to pee, and most of the time when I'd roll over to change position, I'd get that painful tightening. I hope this means that my body is getting itself ready for delivery in the next couple weeks. I'm freaked out that Hudson is going to be my "late baby." Porter was 10 days early, so I'm desperately banking on the idea that Hudson will be early as well.

But... then last night I was kind of freaking out thinking about him arriving in the next couple weeks. I'm not quite sure I'm ready to have 2 kids! There are lots of things around the house I probably should get done before Mr. Hudson shakes up our somewhat "regular routine". Like... scrapbooking... and fixing up my landscaping where the dogs ran through it last summer... and making a few blankets and bibs and burp cloth sets for the ladies I work with who are due (well, one had her baby the other day... 5 weeks early!)... and finding a new vehicle to trade the Fe in on... and Ryan getting the decks stained....and finalizing a few client orders.... Ok... so I can still do all that once Hudson is here, but it'd be so much easier to have things in place before he comes. Which technically means I need to get moving in order to have them done in the next 2-4 weeks.

Alright... thats enough of my rambling. I just thought I'd journal this to look back on :)

Countdown: 31 Days!

I cant' believe we're a month (or hopefully less) away from meeting Hudson! I feel like this pregnancy has been somewhat surreal.... almost like I haven't fully realized we're going to have another sweet little boy in our family.

Hudson has been doing a great job making himself known to me in the past couple weeks. He's quite a mover! Tonight he was just rolling and kicking and moving all around. My stomach looked like an alien was trying to emerge. I should video tape it.

He's also been dancing around on my sciatic nerve... which had me in tears today. I thought my SI joint pain in my hip was bad.... oooh this sciatic nerve crap sucks. Its not constant (although today my hip has felt sore, but not "electric shock" sore all the time), when that nerve gets irritated (which is a couple times an hour) it nearly brings me to my knees in tears. I have to really bite my lip to try not to scream out in pain. Its embarrassing when it happens in public... or at work when I'm walking down the hall with my students. One of my 3rd graders today saw me nearly fall and said "Oh that happens to me too when I wear high heels" Oh... I wish it were just me tripping on my shoes LOL!

I came home today in a yucky mood... I went to the chiropractor and had an adjustment that really didn't help much. I got home and took Porter out to play and ended up sitting outside crying because I'm just so sick of feeling uncomfortable and in pain. Porter's so darn sweet... he came up to me and stood next to me on the step, put his arm on my back and said "What wrong, mommy? What wrong?" I told him my hip hurt and he said "Oh" and went back to playing LOL! Funny boy.

I'm trying to stop wishing away these next few weeks as at this point I'm uncertain if I have it in me to ever want to have more biological children. I honestly just don't love being pregnant and it seems to bring out the worst in me. I know we'd both love another child in our family in the future, but I am leaning more towards wanting to adopt rather than go through pregnancy again. I found myself browsing adoption websites tonight of a family who has adopted 4 times from China. I always seem to be drawn to Chinese adoptions for some reason, so who knows... maybe that's a sign that our future holds something unknown to us. I'll just need to get Ryan on board... Anyhow, I am trying to enjoy these last weeks of being pregnant just in case I/we decide not to do this again. I am so anxious/excited to get this pregnancy over with... to have Hudson here and to move forward with our "new" family of 4 that I often have to stop myself and make myself appreciate what a miracle it is to be pregnant, and how bittersweet it would be if this is my last pregnancy to experience. I don't want to wish it away and then regret not really, truly cherishing it later.

Last night I worked on Hudson's birth announcements. I think I have it finalized, and I just hope that I have the ambition to attempt to take "good" pictures of him after he's born. I used my clients pictures as "samples" in the birth announcement and I love them. I hope I capture those type of images of Hudson.

Speaking of his birth announcement... he still does not have a middle name. I used "Hudson Cole" as a sample on the announcement and sent it to Ry to approve and he said he didn't care for Cole. So, that may be off the list?! We honestly just haven't even brought up middle names lately! I guess we have a few we like, so we can always decide after he's born, I suppose.

As far as work goes... I think I've decided that I'm going to take off starting May 8th, which will be 2 weeks before my due date. I am honestly hoping that Hudson makes his arrival sometime around that date, but who knows... he'll probably be my late baby. Let's hope not! I still need to give my principal the heads up, but I don't think it'll be a problem. It kind of gives me a few "shorter" goals to look forward to... a little over 2 weeks until I'm done working and from then, less than 2 weeks until Hudson is due.

Wow. What a rambling post. I just hopped on here to gripe about my painful day.. and here I go rambling off on a tangent!

Babycenter Says...

"Your baby doesn't have much room to maneuver now that he's over 18 inches long and tips the scales at 5 1/4 pounds (pick up a honeydew melon). Because it's so snug in your womb, he isn't likely to be doing somersaults anymore, but the number of times he kicks should remain about the same."

Well, not this kid. I swear, the past two days he's been flipping around back and forth. I was starting to get worried that he was upside down and with my luck I'll end up needing a c-section. I'm sitting here typing and it feels like he's kick boxing and doing somersaults in there. Babycenter, I don't believe you.

How far along am I now?

I have to keep checking my little ticker in the sidebar to remember how far I am. All I know is I have 5 weeks and a few days left. Hallelujah! I am so excited to meet Hudson and to have our family together and to get myself back to somewhat normal as soon as humanly possible.

At work today I made a little list of things I needed to blog about.

• I found stretch marks the other day. On my stomach on the sides of my belly button and on my sides... like someone was grabbing my waist and drug their nails about 3 inches as I ran away from them LOL! I think these were the spots I had stretch marks with Porter, too.
  
  
• My sciatic nerve has been KILLING ME. I only had a few instances when I was pregnant with Porter, but for the past 2 weeks I've been having lots of issues with my sciatic nerve getting messed with. I get a shocking jolt of nerve pain in my butt and down my leg and a couple times my leg has given out and I've nearly fallen. So annoying.
  
  
• Hudson has had the hiccups a lot lately. He's hiccuping as I type. It seems like every night around 9pm I start feeling his little hiccups.
  
  
• Work is sucking really bad right now. I feel like I barely put anything into it. I am normally creative and really excited to come up with new projects and writing activities for my students, but lately I really could care less. How horrible! I feel I'm giving a half assed effort to my job. I hope things change once I return in the fall.
  
  I've been contemplating leaving work the first week in May. When I was pregnant with Porter I was finished student teaching at 34 weeks and I just stayed home until Porter was born (at a few days past 38 weeks). I'm now almost 35 weeks and just feeling like... ehhh... bleh. I dread going to work... I have nothing to wear that is comfortable, I'm unmotivated to get anything done, I am tired all the time, I'm super uncomfortable- I hate getting up and walking around and walking down to get my students and just... I hate working right now (not that I hate my job... its just that every little "easy" task just doesn't seem easy anymore!). But I almost feel like a total slacker if I took off work early. I don't get a maternity leave, so it'd be unpaid. The longer I work, the more paychecks I get. I know lots of people work up until they deliver, so I keep thinking... am I a slacker for wanting to take off the last 3 weeks? I really think it'd be nice to spend that time with Porter one on one, but then I wonder if it'll just make the time go by slower. Any suggestions?

I guess that's it for now. I have more to write, but I'm uncomfortable sitting in this chair any longer.

T Minus 7.5 Weeks

These past few weeks have been uncomfortable and painful. I'm so so so ready to just have Hudson here and have our little family of four all together. I'm ready to get back to somewhat normal... to have my body back to myself.

I just got back from a trip to Chicago with some girlfriends and while the trip was a great time, I really couldn't enjoy it as much as I wanted as I was hobbling around with painful hips and I was tired and uncomfortable and stretched feeling. I've gotten to that point where my lungs just don't feel like they hold as much air. I feel like there's pressure on my lungs and bladder all the time. My hips have been out of whack for a few weeks now, and just in the past week sciatic nerve pain has been added to my SI joint pain. If I pivot my legs/hips I feel either a stabbing pain in my upper hip/lower back or a sharp tingling nerve pain down my leg. Neither are fun.

I have an appointment tomorrow and I'm going in before to do my glucose test. I still haven't had that done! I figure, though, that I haven't felt weird after eating or anything like that so I'm sure everything should be ok.

I've decided I won't be attempting to breastfeed with Hudson. I was really gung ho on BF'ing with Porter and it ended up not working out (because of my migraines... P wouldn't latch, pumping was increasing severity of my migraines and I was just not well...) and I had really thought I'd try again this time. However, as selfish as this sounds... I have GOT to get rid of these G sized boobs. Its affecting my self esteem and I know it'll only be worse after having Hudson. I just need to get back to semi-normal ASAP. I feel a bit like a failure and a selfish person, but I just can't imagine these boobs once my milk comes in. Right now they're as large as they were when my milk came in with Porter. So... can you imagine? Sick.

I've been browsing a few online places for one piece outfits for Hudson for this summer. I'm not quite sure how to dress a newborn in the summer! I am not a big fan of "just onesies" as clothes (same with wearing sleepers 24/7) and in the summer there just are not that many clothing options for newborns- other than onesies. While I have plenty of onesies to last him until the end of summer, I'd like to have some one-piece outfits that he can wear as well (when I mentioned this to Leslie and Maria yesterday at the outlet mall, both of their mouths dropped open... I am also not a big fan of one piece outfits at all either...). So... I found a few cute outfits at Gap that I like. I am going to keep an eye out for them to go on sale. If anyone happens to notice them on sale, shoot me an email. :)

Ritalin, anyone?

Mr. Hudson is quite the active child. He is all over the last few days... kicking and turning and poking every part of my insides. I can barely sit down without having to pee- even if I just went pee minutes before. And I swear it feels like he's kicking at my crotch. OUCH. Sometimes when he moves it feels like he's trying to scrape his way out, and his stretches are getting very uncomfortable. I remember at the end of my pregnancy with Porter (end being... 36weeks +) being super uncomfortable and having Porter stretch out and it being unbearably painful. If Hudson is already causing uncomfortableness and scratching at only 29 weeks... I'm scared for the end of this pregnancy!!

I went to Target today and bought two new shirts and some accessories to wear with them. I want to have something somewhat cute for Chicago-- I'm going to be the only preggo there who is hobbling around with bozo boobs and a round midsection, so I figured I'd better have at least 2 semi-cute outfits on hand to wear to boost my self esteem somewhat. Not that maternity clothes are all that cute, especially when your boobs take up as much room in the shirts as your belly does. I'm not sure what SHOES to wear in Chicago... I can't wear low shoes with any of my jeans- they're all too long and I don't care to have them hemmed as I mainly wear wedge heels all the time. But... I'm not sure wearing wedge heels all day walking in Chicago will be all that comfortable especially being 32 weeks pregnant!

28 Weeks

Not much exciting going on here. So far this pregnancy has been pretty uneventful, thankfully.

Hudson has been moving around like a madman. He's very active and kids and twists and turns all the time.

I'm getting so excited to meet him. I, oddly, keep getting so excited to go into labor (obviously, not anytime soon, though) and to experience all that again. Not that I look forward to the pain and all the horror that goes along with labor/delivery, but just to have those first two days with a new person in our life and everything is so... new... and exciting (ok, and exhausting and painful and stressful and emotional...). But then I get so sad thinking about the end of this pregnancy. I know how fast time has gone by with Porter and how you blink and they change. I know it'll go by even faster with Hudson as we'll have two little boys to keep up with. I just want to soak it all up as much as I can and remember every little thing about them.

I need to do my 28 week belly pictures today and post them. I'm not feeling awfully huge, but my boobs... ugh... Porter put my bra on his head and let's just say one cup fit his head like a hat. I'm carrying an 'almost' newborn in my belly and two 2-year old heads on my chest. Isn't that lovely?

Today I want to organize Hudson's room a little more. Right now its looking like a storage/catch all room. I'd like to have it look a little less like that and a little more like a nursery waiting for a special little guy to arrive. We'll see how far I get on that task today.

24 Weeks.... review

Ok, I guess I should start journaling a little better with this pregnancy.

Starting Monday I began having these terrible inner thigh/leg joint pains. I thought it was from walking a lot on Monday (working a full day, and going back and forth between my room and the 3rd grade rooms). Anyhow, the pain felt like I had done a kazillion side leg lifts. If I stepped or pivoted to the side, my inner thighs/joints screamed out in pain. I waddled all week. I endured comment after comment from coworkers that I needed to hit up the boss for a scooter or something. If I got up after sitting for awhile, it took my legs/joints (because it really wasn't my leg muscles... it felt like my joints... like they were stiff and tight) to warm up.

I've asked so many people if they felt like this, and I've gotten lots of weird looks. Apparently I'm weird. I seriously feel like my hips/upper legs bow in or something... like they're turning inward. Weird, huh?

The other night my mom was working at the hospital while I was scrapbooking in Chelsea so I stopped in for a peek at Baby Barczak. The first image we saw of him was a wide open view of his... boy parts! They were clear as day, spread eagle. Crazy kid. He was also so cute practicing swallowing and sticking his tongue out. I can't wait to meet him!

Time flies

You know what seems so crazy to me? The fact that so many people who are pregnant.... who I began reading their blogs at the beginning of their pregnancies... are already having their 20 week ultrasounds!

Michelle just found out yesterday that she's having a little boy. A little boy to join his two big sisters.

And Giselle (whose blog I just lurk on) had her ultrasound, is having a little boy to join a big brother and sister.

And Kim has her 20 week ultrasound (really at 18 weeks, right?) scheduled for December 12th... just a little over three weeks away!! Which means... we're up soon after that. Isn't that insane??

Its just crazy... I remember reading these blogs when I had JUST gotten pregnant. I felt like time was going so slow. But, here we are already 12 weeks along, over halfway there to the "big ultrasound." Of course, I hope to find out before the doctor's ultrasound- having my mom scan me. I have to keep tabs on this baby, you know... make sure he/she is doing ok in there.

12w 2d

Wow... its been a week since I've posted! Nothing new has been going on. For the past week I've been feeling SO much better... hardly any nausea at all and I have not been gagging or puking! YAY!

I've definitely got my appetite back and I'm happy about that. Although I'm sure my ass isn't going to be happy about the huge Hot Fudge Brownie and Ice Cream Sundae I ate last night. I'm a pig. What can I say.

This time That time.

• Porter: I broke out badly... face, back, chest
  This time: I broke out for about a week, and now all is fine
  
  
• Porter: Nausea on and off daily, but was manageable. I threw up only in the evening
  This time: Horrible nausea... gag reflex was going full blast- couldn't even think or talk about food/gagging without gagging. Puking numerous times a day.
  
  
• Porter: Not really all that tired even though I was student teaching full time
  This time: Exhausted. But, I do have a toddler to look after
  
  
• Porter: Craved sweets. Couldn't eat spaghetti sauces
  This time: Crave salt and pepper on foods (like mac & cheese... has to be doused in salt and pepper). Spaghetti sauces still turn me off most of the time... so maybe thats a pregnancy thing?
  
  
• Porter: Didn't start gaining weight rapidly until second trimester
  This time: Have already gained 10lbs and not even out of the first trimester

Still nothing new.

Just checking in for all 5 of you readers LOL.

I'm still feeling fine, which has me a little worried. I did look back on Porter's Pregnancy blog (SO glad I kept up on that thing so well!) and morning sickness hit just after 6 weeks. So, maybe I just have a few more days/week to go.

Isn't it ridiculous that I'm so anxious to FEEL pregnant, whether it means I am barfing and nauseous or not? I'm crazy, I know. But, reading back on P's Preggo Blog I totally felt the same way with him... nausea sucked but I have numerous posts where I wrote how thankful I was for that sign that things were more than likely ok. I keep forgetting I am pregnant, and I keep having anxiety that I'm actually not pregnant anymore- that the baby has died or not developed or what not. I wish I could be confident and carefree like some preggos, but I just can't.

I'm hoping that we'll be able to see/hear something when my mom scans me this week. Cross your fingers.

Boring Update.

No news is good news, right?

I'm not feeling pregnant today. I wish I would. I know in a few weeks when m/s hits I'll regret saying that, but honestly I always felt a little comfort being sick with Porter. It was uncomfortable and yucky and cruddy being sick in the beginning, but I knew that as long as I was feeling so sick the chances of my baby being ok were good.

I may be getting an ultrasound on Friday. My mom is a sonographer (great job for her to have, eh?) so while I'm at the Treehouse in Chelsea I am going to try to swing into the hospital and have her scan me. I'm nervous that she will find nothing (we're still way early in the preg, so that is a possibility) or that the pregnancy tests were wrong or something. I'm such a nervous Nelly.

The few of you who read this, please keep a friend of mine in your thoughts and prayers. She's in her first trimester and has started spotting (maybe tmi for some of you). She's going in for an ultrasound to see how the baby is doing, but I'm both nervous and terrified for her. Please pray that everything is ok with the baby.

That's all for now.

Still.

Still pregnant.

Still crossing my fingers and toes and whatever else.

Still running to the bathroom often, thinking I've started my period.

Still excited.

Still hopeful.

Still wary.

Still in shock.

Still feeling amazingly blessed.